Embracing Transformation: My Journey Through Darkness to Light

By Laura Phillips, the Barley Moon.

Photo by Prateek Gautam on Unsplash

In the midst of uncertainty, I found clarity. My spiritual awakening began unexpectedly during one of the most challenging periods of my life.

Today, I want to share this journey with you, the lessons I've learned, and the tools that have brought me healing—like my mindful doodling practice and the empowering practice of tarot.

It’s a journey that has led me to publishing my first activity book: "The Mindful Doodler," and to living my dream life in a loving relationship, with my own business.

Laura’s Story

My story began in a marriage that I had believed would last a lifetime. However, in May 2018, I found myself grappling with a painful truth: my (now ex) husband was having an affair.

This revelation shattered my world and what followed ultimately led to my dark night of the soul. It took a long 15 months before they both admitted the truth and at that time, I thought my whole world was ending. It was a true “tower moment”.

Our boys were just 4 and 2 years old and it was only a couple of months before the world would find itself in the grip of a pandemic. However as it turned out, where I thought I was falling apart, I was actually falling into place.

I can look back now and actually thank them both for what happened because it was this experience that was pivotal in my journey toward self-discovery and happiness.

The triggering month was March 2020, that’s when it all got too much to cope with. As the pandemic loomed over us all, I experienced a total nervous breakdown around St. Patrick’s Day.

The weight of betrayal, coupled with the isolation of lockdown, sent me spiraling into despair. I’m British and live in Ireland so suddenly it became apparent my family were not going to be able to offer physical support through this time either.

It was during this dark time that I stumbled upon mindful doodling and tarot—a serendipitous discovery that would change everything. My doodle affirmations became a lifeline, providing comfort and a sense of control amidst the chaos.

The Discovery of Tarot

Tarot opened a doorway to self-reflection, allowing me to explore my emotions and gain insight into my situation.

I began my Instagram account at this time. It was a way to keep me accountable and to make sure I doodled and uploaded an affirmation daily. The change in my mindset from this practice was incredible.

Coupling that with tarot provided me with such healing, I was emerging from my dark night of the soul, stronger and more resilient.

It was during this transformative phase that I encountered John—my ex-husband’s affair partner’s husband—outside a local shop one glorious sunny day in late June 2020.

Our spouses had been colleagues and friends, but we had never truly got to know each other, that day things changed.

After our initial chat, I felt a strong impulse to connect again. I voiced my desire to the universe, saying, “If John and I are meant to be friends, make it so we bump into each other again.”

Just two weeks later, we did! This time, we exchanged numbers and began meeting for walks. Our friendship blossomed, providing both of us with healing and comfort.

We quickly realised how easy it was to be in each other’s company.

Strangely we discovered our paths had crossed many times prior to us both ending up in Ireland (John is from Yorkshire like me) We had never met each other before our exes became friends but we had lived in the same town in the north of England in 2000 and as it turns out had frequented the exact same “Indie” nightclub!

We had also both moved over to Ireland at the age of 25. John in 2002 and myself in 2007.

In October 2020, our friendship blossomed into something deeper. One evening, we found ourselves sharing a kiss, and it was as if the universe had orchestrated this moment for us.

It was like fireworks. Since then, we have been inseparable, each day feeling like a new adventure, I’ve never experienced such a passionate and deep love like the one John and I share; like my old life was in black and white and now I’m living in technicolour!

We’re a true team and both have the same vision for our family life and home. As my mother-in-law to be says ( we are getting married this year in May) it’s like we “dance together in the kitchen” the way we intuitively work together.

March 2021 brought another significant transition: I experienced a severe car crash just as I was selling the family home I’d owned with my ex. I was preparing to move into my new home and due to get the keys any day.

Looking back, the crash symbolised the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. I’m lucky to be alive after it, but when it happened I had an experience that’s difficult to explain but I believe saved my life!

Two days later, John and I moved in together, while my ex-husband moved in with John’s ex-wife. Our five children navigate this blended family dynamic beautifully, alternating weeks between our two homes.

I often reflect on how grateful I am for everything that has transpired. We’ve created our own little heaven on earth. In fact, exactly one year to the day after my car accident, we moved into a dream country home we had this time, bought together!

However, our journey hasn’t been without its challenges. We faced heartbreak with the loss of two pregnancies in 2022, but I’m thrilled to share that we are expecting again!

This time, our baby is thriving, and our children are overjoyed at the prospect of welcoming a new sibling in July.

My journey has taught me the importance of resilience, healing, and the magic of new beginnings. I am passionate about sharing the tools that helped me through my darkest days—mindful doodling and tarot.

I also hope this story can bring you hope, when life throws a curveball (particularly a very difficult one) it can feel as though it’s the end but I hope in reading my story it may give you the spark to see it can actually be the beginning.

If you’re seeking your own path to healing, I invite you to explore "The Mindful Doodler" and my tarot reading services.

I’d love to connect with you and if you are facing a similar situation to me, please reach out to me. You are not alone.

Get in touch via email: laura@thebarleymoon.ie or via Instagram: @thebarleymoon

For a free tarot-inspired Self-Care workbook exploring mindful doodling, affirmations and journaling: https://mindfuldoodling.thebarleymoon.ie/tarot-self-care-workbook

To discover more about my mindful doodling courses visit: https://mindfuldoodling.thebarleymoon.ie/homepage

For my tarot and distant reiki offerings: https://mindfuldoodling.thebarleymoon.ie/tarot