Utilizing Tarot to Cope with Relationship Grief

A brilliant piece by Morgan O'Neal.

Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash

Tarot is a tool I’ve turned to heavily amidst relationship heartache.

Has tarot solved my heartache? Absolutely not. In my experience tarot rarely offers cut and dried guidance.

This practice offers the space to explore the vast feelings involved in heartache. It is a tool to access inner knowing and even spiritual communication during difficult, transformative times in life.

I can’t tell you how many times my best friend and I have called each other about our breakups asking, “Can you pull a card for me?”

I talk about tarot similarly to how I discuss the topic of spirituality.

It’s up to each individual to decide what this practice means for you.

How Tarot Can Help with Relational Grief

Tarot may be a helpful tool to cope with relational grief.

It also might not feel supportive at all. That’s okay.

You will always know what is best for your own ~healing journey.~

A quintessential phrase so many of us are sick of hearing…and that’s fair.

Tarot has been a reflection of the messy, complicated parts of relationship grief while continually shining light on the beauty of my current experience.

Tarot offers nuance and autonomy. I didn’t leave a toxic situationship because of tarot. However, tarot helped me reflect on how I was being treated within that dynamic.

Tarot can be predictive, to a point, while also operating under the premise that energy is ever-changing.

I always want my clients to know that tarot is simply ONE tool in the sea of healing modalities.

Plant medicine is a tool.

Journaling is a tool.

So on and so forth.

Tarot has been a collaborative modality as I navigate relational wounds both personally and with clients.

Do we ever fully heal from the things that hurt us? That’s subjective because ‘healing’ is an experience that is defined by the person experiencing it.

As a professional tarot reader and licensed therapist a lot of my conversations with clients are about romantic relationships.

The “tarot field” is especially saturated with thousands of readings geared toward romantic love.

I won’t get into the ethics of these types of readings today.

However, I will say that within every field there are trauma informed apples and non trauma informed apples.

Be Mindful of How Tarot Readers Deliver Messages

If you find yourself spinning out and feeling a sense of urgency then that might not be the reader for you.

It is known that we are relational beings. Of course we want to know more about our past relationships and seek insight when we are involved in disorienting situations.

There are readers whose stance is that we shouldn’t utilize tarot to reflect on love.

I disagree. That hot take can be one of privilege if it is coming from someone who finds themselves in a healthy relationship and aren’t currently amidst relational grief.

Relationships can be healing and they can also be traumatic. It is quite normal to seek answers through oracles such as tarot. We are only human after all.

I believe that tarot can be used for all areas of life as long as we’re approaching the deck with balance and self focus.

This means not getting too caught up in what others are doing and instead how you can be best supported.

Even as a tarot reader…I’ve slipped up and asked the cards questions that didn’t come from the most empowered place.

“Why did they do this to me?”

“What energy is so and so in?”

“What are they up to?”

“Are they thinking about me?”

Take note when your questions leave you feeling more icky than when you first started the reading.

Your body and energy are important messengers when utilizing tarot.

It will be hard to find insight if we are clouded with anxiety and urgency. Again…totally valid responses when facing confusion and grief.

I imagine tarot similarly to a bestie supporting you through a breakup.

Your bestie can’t take the pain away but they can hold your hand as you move through it.

Tarot is a place to drop in.

To reflect.

To feel.

To be honest.

It doesn’t replace the importance of mental health treatment.

However, I like to say tarot is a tool to help you cope in between sessions. (Therapy isn’t accessible to everyone and I want to honor that experience.)

Two Tarot Cards to Help You Reflect on Heartbreak

Here are two cards to help you reflect on heartbreak through tarot:

The Tower is often about shocking, unexpected experiences that feel as though life has changed in a blink of an eye.

When someone says “I’m going through a Tower moment,” you just know they must be facing a LOT. I don’t believe any of the tarot cards are necessarily “scary” or “bad.”

Each card offers insight for our highest good. I never want to downplay the jarring experience that can be The Tower though.

It’s a card that feels like getting hit in the stomach and momentarily losing breath. We will be okay..but for right now it may be hard to breathe.

The Star is a card that is directly after The Tower in the major arcana. The Star is about inviting in hope after devastation.

It’s about facing your true north and replenishing a well that has been depleted. The Star represents hopefulness while continuing to navigate tougher emotions.

Tarot isn’t linear and we are often holding multiple energies at one time because we are emotionally complex beings.

Empowering questions you can reflect on with tarot amidst heartache:

What can I look forward to now that this has ended?

What is a message from my future self to inspire me?

What is a card that can help me during this phase of healing?

How does my inner child feel about this change? How can I support them?

I hope this brings you something as you navigate change and transition in your own life.

Thank you for letting me share with you.

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